Missing You
by L.L Stewart
Summary: Jax reminisces about his life and his lost love.


Title: Missing you

Author: Leanne Stewart

Summary: Jax

Pairings: Jax & Tara

Rating R

Genres: Romance

Published: May,24/2014

Authors notes: I was having a hard time coming up with a crow eaters name and my husband, Brennan wanted to be involved and name her. So he came up with 'Desire' Thanks, Brennan! This is just a one shot of Jax and his feelings about missing Tara on his birthday, My muse hasn't been kind to me lately so I finally finished this. Hope you enjoy this and please let me know what you thought it is like Chocolate for us writers! :) We really don't know much about Tara's past or who might have met up with her while she was absent those ten years, so this is just my spin on it.

* * *

Jax had been sitting in his room, his eyes glued to the Polaroid picture in his hands. His long fingers brushed over the small picture, a sad smile forming his lips. God— he had missed her…missed her so god damn much. Every year since she left, on his birthday, the Vice President of the notorious Sons of Anarchy, Jackson Teller would sit in his room, his door locked and he would stare at all her pictures.

It had been four years — four lonely years since Tara Knowles, the love of his life, had left him.

Jax grunted angrily, throwing the picture across the room. '_Jesus Christ, Teller, get over it. She's gone and she's never coming back_. _Never_…'

Tears filled his eyes and Jax swallowed hard, his eyes closing tightly. _Why the fuck couldn't he get over her and move on? Why was he so infatuated with her? It had been four years and every moment of everyday it had seemed that he was thinking about her. He was always thinking about her. He couldn't stop. He was the fucking VP of Sons of Anarchy. He had the most perfect life. Jackson Teller had whoever he wanted, whatever he needed, whenever he needed it._

_He was the Prince of Charming. He could have any pussy in town… in any town._

_And — he did._

It didn't matter though, every time he fucked another girl, _her_ face had always appeared. It was like a bad horror movie…that repeated itself, over and over.

_She doesn't care about you or think about you. She's moved on, and so should you._

Laughter, loud talking and whistling echoed through the long hallway and Jax glanced up, his eyes focusing at the clock on the wall in front of him. Jax grumbled, standing up and moving away from the bed towards his dresser. He opened the first drawer, reaching in and pulling out a t-shirt, before opening the third drawer and grabbed a pair of jeans. His gaze fell on crystal blue eyes and he stood there, what felt like an eternity, staring at himself in the mirror.

Jax's left hand reached for the glass, his fingers brushing the picture taped to the mirror in front of him. "Was me not going with you to San Diego a mistake? Ever since you left that's all I can think about, what our life could have been like if I followed you to San Diego. Left SAMCRO for good?" Jax sighed heavily, his shoulders slumped forward and his head banged against the cold mirror. "You're all I ever wanted."

Jax reached in his pocket, pulling out his wallet and opening it. There it was, the small, folded up, piece of paper that caught Jax's eye and he pulled it out slowly. Examining it. He remembered that address very distinctly. He memorized it, stared at the address and her phone number. Day and night. Over and over. **'1472 Chasiddy Ave, (312) 878-5582'**. He remembered the day he asked Juice to find her, two Summer's ago.

* * *

He knew she didn't want to see him, or talk to him. _Why would she? He abandoned her at the bus station...Never said goodbye._

_W_hen Juice finally got him her address and number, Jax was unable to go at the time. Being a prospect made the club his number one priority and the _club's bitch. _Whatever they needed done, Jax and Opie took care of it. They had no choice, so he had no time for weekend trips to San Diego So, after he became VP he decided that all he wanted to do was to make sure Tara was safe and happy.

Two years ago he decided to take a road trip to San Diego and check up on her, scout it out. He knew he couldn't face her right then. Even after four years, the emotions of her betrayal still clouded his thoughts. The ones that threatened to engulf him now, surged through his body and he still could feel every inch of hate he had felt all those years ago.

Jax wanted to be able to tell Tara that he couldn't do this without her, open his heart to her and tell her he couldn't live without her, but this trip wasn't that. Couldn't be that. He wasn't ready for a reunion. He needed to see her without her seeing him. It would be better that way, for him and for her.

When he arrived in San Diego the first thing he did was scout out where her Aunt Selena had lived. It was a quiet, small suburban neighborhood on the outskirts of town. Almost every house on the street was the exact same, except for the color of the siding. They all had white picket fences and freshly mowed lawns. Everything was so clean and perfect, it was like they were right out of a 'Home and Garden' magazine. Much different than Charming.

Jax decided to park down the street a few houses away, he didn't want to be noticed. He slipped off his bike and his gaze focused on the house where Tara was supposed to be, and then he heard her voice.

"Why did you come here, David?"

The sound of her soft voice, excited Jax and he crossed the street quickly. Catching her shadow through the fence. Jax realized it was coming from Selena Knowles backyard. Jax had noticed the skinny trail between the two houses and he slipped quietly down the trail before stopping a few feet away, he could only see Tara slightly through the cracks.

"Come on, Tara. I've known you since elementary school, you know I will always be here for you."

The fence, was thick enough that unless Jax had made his presence known, he'd be alright listening in on the conversation, so he crept forward, leaning in closer. Jax then realized who was talking to Tara. _David Hale? Why the fuck was Hale here? In Chicago? At Tara's? Did he come here a lot? WHAT THE FUCK WAS HALE DOING THERE?_

David Hale came from a wealthy family, his father, Jacob Hale was a county judge and a very powerful and wealthy man. David grew up in Charming and had been the same age as Jax and Tara and they had known each other since they were kids. Grew up with each other, But - most of all, David had always had a crush on Tara, since as long as Jax could remember. When they dated and Jax and Tara would get into heated fights; Hale had always been there to sweep Tara up. Always ready to swoop in and save the damsel in distress.

_What the hell did Tara see in Hale anyways? He was a weasel, and a prick._

"Thank you for coming David, but honestly, I'm fine."

David snorted, "He really didn't even call you?" He asked her, as he took a seat beside her on the bench, "Not surprising coming from him. He doesn't deserve you. Never has."

"David...don't do this."

"Have you talked to Jax lately?" David questioned, his brown eyes staring at her lovingly and Jax grew angry as he watched Hale flirt with Tara, jealousy rising within him.

"I haven't talked to Jax since I left Charming, two years ago, David. I have no reason to be starting now, so why are you asking me all these questions when you know the answers to them. What are you not telling me?"

Jax' eyes widened and he got as close as he could to the fence. '_What the hell was Hale talking about? He didn't like that fact that David was here. Were Tara and Hale a couple?'_

"So you haven't talked to anyone from Charming?" David questioned curiously, his brown eyes watched Tara closely and sat down beside her.

"No, why? Is...is everything okay with, Jax?" Tara asked worriedly, fear filling her green eyes and Jax could see the concern in them, the horrified look on her face as she presumed something bad had happened to him. '_She is actually worried about me? Concerned that something might be wrong?_' A small grin formed Jax' lips as he realized that even though he hadn't spoken to her in over two years, she still worried about him. Jax leaned closer and his eyes moved from Tara's back to Hale.

"The SONS are being investigated in some gun charges out of state, Feds are in Charming, from what I hear from Jacob, they are in lock down, gathering up family and friends. I guess they're pretty worried, it's pretty bad my brother said. I thought they might try and contact you. I...I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"David, I love you. We're good friends, and I respect you, but it's none of your business. We have nothing to do with it, so why do you have to put your nose in places it doesn't belong? Tara snapped her hands went to her hips and her green eyes bore through Hale's angrily," Why do you two hate each other so much. Why do you have such a **hard on** for him still?"

"I'm going to be a deputy soon and hopefully sheriff one day and I am in not going to allow the SONS to do what Chief Unser has allowed them to do. They are criminals." Hale sighed deeply and he moved towards Tara, his hand resting on her forearm.

Tara was furious with Hale. How could he expect her to rat out Jax and the club. She hadn't had anything to do with Jax in four years and Hale knew that. Even if Tara had talked to Jax she wouldn't tell Hale.

"He's not even in the picture and even if he was David or if I talked to him, you'd be the last person I'd talk to." She snarled, standing up and brushing past David, "I have to get ready, I have class in two hours." Her tone was harsh and Jax could see the anger in her eyes as she pushed past Hale and up the small cement steps.

Jax watched as Hale followed her and his cell phone vibrated, snapping his eyes away from the two and he snarled quietly, he flipped open his cell and a text from Opie flashed across the screen.

**You need to get back now brother, Clay and Tig are in county jail waiting for bail...Shit is going down.**

"Fuck." Jax growled, glancing up from the phone, realizing both Tara and Hale were no where to be seen. He really wanted to find out more about why Hale was here and what he knew, but he needed to get back. He wished he could talk to Tara, see her face to face, touch her, but he knew right now wasn't the best of times, especially if they knew he might contact her. So he slipped back through the small trail and back to his bike, getting on it and putting his helmet on. He glanced towards her aunts house once more before speeding off down the road, back to Charming.

* * *

"Jax, are you in there?" Opie interrupted Jax from his thoughts down memory lane and Jax snarled loudly.

"Delivery came for you, looks like a letter. Doesn't have a return address."

Jax pushed himself away from the dresser towards the door and unlocked and opened it, "It doesn't have a return address?" He asked, taking the letter out of Opie's hand and studying it closely.

"Nope." Opie answered, taking a drag from his cigarette and leaning against the wall in the hallway, "You okay, brother?"

Jax glanced up at his best friend and he nodded, "I'm just missing her. Op. Just really...really missing her right now." He whispered and Opie didn't need to ask Jax who she was. He already knew who _she_ was. Jax Teller had only loved one girl since Opie had known him... Tara Knowles.

Opie lifted his beer, letting Jax know he understood where he was coming from and backed away from the door, "See you out there soon, brother?"

"Be there soon," Jax responded absently, staring at the letter that was still in his hands. He closed the door and headed back to his bed and sat down, getting comfortable. He ripped it open, pulling the paper out carefully. His eyes caught the writing and recognized it and he instantly grew anxious.

Jax was about to open the letter when one of the crow eaters, Desire, came stumbling in, giggling and laughing, "Hey, birthday boy, you going come out?" She slurred, stumbling towards the bed and taking a seat beside him.

Jax glared at Desire before putting the letter behind him on the bed and then glancing back at her, "Hey, Des, I'll be out soon." Jax said annoyed, standing up and pulling her up off the bed. "I promise."

Desire had been a crow eater since as long as Jax could remember, she was about five years older than him. She had long, curly brown hair that touched her ass, the most intense blue eyes and longest legs he had ever seen. One of the best looking crow eaters around and she had been the only one who he hadn't sleep with. Not because he wasn't attracted to her. She was fucking gorgeous _— _but, he had a connection with Desire that he never had with anyone else. They had always gotten along, became close friends shortly after she arrived to Charming from Tacoma. She had been loyal and honest, took good care of all the boys and to the club. She would make a very good, '_Old lady'_ one day.

But, Jax would never have that kind of attraction to Desire, she had been like a sister to him. He loved her, loved her like she was his big sister.

"Come on, Jax. It's your birthday and you're sitting in your bedroom when there are people out there that are waiting to celebrate it with you. Your family and friends," She interrupted him and pointed to the door, "Go enjoy your party."

Jax sighed heavily, "Why can't I get over her?" He whispered glancing towards Desire, tears filling his eyes, "Why can't I forget about her?"

Desire frowned moving closer to Jax and reaching for him, both hands cupping the sides of his face. "Because you love her Jax and she loves you."

Jax snorted, reaching over to his night stand for his cigarettes, he pulled one out and put it to his mouth, lighting it and taking a drag, "I doubt that she still loves me. She's probably married by now, with kids."

The pain was evident on his face and Desire frowned at Jax, her brown eyes watching him intensely, she smiled sadly and moved closer to him."I wish I had what you two had, Jax. You have no idea how much Tara loved you, do you? How hard she struggled with it every day. I believe one day she'll be back, as a doctor and as your 'Old lady', she wouldn't have accepted your crow if she didn't believe you two would end up together. I'm a girl, trust me, I know these things." Desire smiled and reached for the letter behind, Jax' back, "I do know that she wouldn't want you sitting in your room moping around on your birthday."

"God, I love you." Jax said, pulling Desire into a tight hug, "Thank you, Des, for everything. For listening to me, for putting up with all my bullshit. You're really amazing."

"Welcome." She replied, leaning closer and kissing him on the cheek, "Now come enjoy your 23rd birthday."

Jax smiled brightly, hugging Desire tighter against his body, "I'll be out soon, just wanna take a moment. "

Desire pulled away from Jax and leaned in, her face brushing against his, her lips against his earlobe, "Hurry up birthday boy, I have something waiting for you out there."

Jax' blue eyes stared at Desire curiously and laughed, "Yes, ma-am. Two more minutes."

The bombshell brunette winked at him before turning and swaggering towards his door, he smiled as he pulled out the letter and opened it.

**_ Happy Birthday Jackson._**

Jax stared at the gold chain that fell out of the letter. There was nothing else written and no name, but there wasn't anything needed to be said, he knew who had sent it, only one other person beside his mother called him Jackson and that was Tara. His fingers brushed against the cold metal and tears filled his eyes, there was a small crow pendant attached to it with a small engraving on it's back. His thumb brushed the words written and a tear fell down his cheek. J & T _Forever. _Jax held in a breath as he unclasped the chain and put it around his neck, his fist tightened against the chain and he let out the long suppressed breath. Relief washed over him as he realized that Tara hadn't forgot about him...about them and huge grin crossed his face. He stood and glanced around the small room, his blue eyes catching his Kutte on the floor by the bathroom door. He headed for it and picked it up, putting it on, he turned towards the mirror and sighed heavily. He now understood why Tara had to leave and even though he didn't like it and didn't accept what she had done, he understood, because he knew that one day they would meet again and when they did, he would let her know exactly how much he had needed her. But - for now, at this moment, he would cherish her memory, cherish the time they had spent together. Because he knew that no matter how much time had passed and how many woman he slept with, there would only be one woman that would have his heart.

Jax fixed his hair and straightened his shirt and headed for the door, opening it widely. His hand reached for the new gold chain around his neck and his fingers grasped the small crow dangling from it. He closed his eyes, picturing her beautiful face. 'I will love you forever, Tara.' He stepped out into the smoke filled hallway and closed the door, glancing at the other rooms quickly before heading down the hallway out into the main clubhouse. His friends and family cheered as he came insight and they raised their glasses to him, everyone shouting Happy Birthday as he took a seat beside Desire on one of the stained couches. She passed him a beer and he cheered them back, putting the beer to his mouth and taking a swig.

Even though Tara was not there celebrating his birthday with him, she was there in spirit and that was all that mattered to him and he smiled. Today had been the best birthday since she had left and he was going to enjoy it and maybe, just maybe some day soon he would get to see her again.

The end


End file.
